Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
