I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
