a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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