she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
