Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
