people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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