ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
