Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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