I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
