Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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