I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
