I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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