Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
