I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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