too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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