If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
