If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize