I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
