There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
