You just made me feel so damn special
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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