I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
