Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
