ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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