Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
