Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
