It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
