Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
