i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
