If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
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Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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