i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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