Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
