Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
