If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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