to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
