the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
