If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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