So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
