Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
