3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
