someone threw a dead crab at me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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