Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
