I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
