im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
