You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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