its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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