Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
