Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
