and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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