sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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