GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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