Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
