I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
