Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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