Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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