the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
