She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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