oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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