I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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