so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
