Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
