It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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