I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
