I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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