i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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